Be Aware Of This Conversation Red Flag When You Start Dating Someone New
  • By - Josee Ng

  • Feb. 3, 2023 1:36 pm EST

Dating is the stage where you regularly spend time together with the intention of exploring your emotional and sexual compatibility as a couple before officially entering a relationship, per Marriage. Since there's no commitment involved in dating, this process gives you ample wiggle room to assess each other's suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship, and jam on the brakes if you notice mismatched expectations or a clash of core values. While dating is supposed to be fun and carefree, it can, nonetheless, be a minefield that must be navigated with both eyes open.

"Red flags are one of the most important things to look out for in dating because they tell you what kind of person you are dealing with," OkCupid's global CMO Melissa Hobley tells TZR. Do not make excuses for a red flag that happens more than once. If you constantly ignore subtle pet peeves just because you're too taken with the person, you're in for a long-term heartbreak. For instance, if the person has no qualms about flaking out on you every time, that's a red flag of emotional abusive behavior. The physical side of a relationship will lose its novelty in the long run. Picking up on red flags early on will help you cut your losses sooner. Many a time, you'll be surprised to find plenty of red flags during the talking stage. If you're dating someone new, watch out for this typical conversation red flag, which can be a deal breaker moving forward.

The selfish chatterer

Nothing is more frustrating than being in a conversation with someone who loves the sound of their own voice so much they go on and on about themselves and don't let the other interlocutor get a word in edgeways. Lynne Namka calls someone like that a conversation monopolizer. Conversation should be a to-and-fro process where all parties get an equal chance to present their thoughts. Not letting people have the floor after having one's fair share of talking is downright disrespectful and super unattractive. Every date with an obsessive chatterer can make you feel like you're cornered in a one-way conversation.

According to psychotherapist Rachel Astarte (via TZR), the person who is always hogging the ball in any conversation might have narcissistic tendencies in addition to low self-esteem. This type of chatterer has the tendency to make themselves the center of every conversation and usually zones out when they're no longer the talk of the town. Also, they interrupt you a lot when you talk, citing their keenness to share helpful advice. Another way to spot a conversational monopolizer is that they always put other people down to make themselves look good. "There's so much showing off and wanting to appear to be very smart, special, knowledgeable, and intuitive," therapist Wendy Behary tells mindbodygreen. Many times, a conversational monopolizer is not even aware that they've hijacked the dialogue and made other people uncomfortable.

How to deal with an overtalking date

When you're dealing with someone who talks excessively and compulsively without regard for social cues, lean back and make sense of what this person is trying to communicate. The truth is, not everyone who overstays their verbal welcome is a narcissist — many of them are just socially awkward. Mental health disorders and personality or behavioral characteristics are often linked with excessive talking, per VeryWell Health. If the person can't stop waxing lyrical about themselves, there's a possibility they're a narcissist and you should excuse yourself. You may have to interrupt them, saying something like "I have to bounce now. I have a yoga class in 30 minutes." or "I have to make a private phone call now."

If you sense that the person is socially awkward or droning is just the way they talk, help them out. One way to cut in nicely is to show the talker that you've been listening actively. "You can say, 'That's really interesting, now let me see if I can summarize what you've said,'" psychologist Dr. Ty Tashiro tells The New York Times. "You provide direct feedback and show you were actively listening. Then shift the focus to yourself, say 'I had a similar experience' or 'Here's what I want to talk about.'" If the person insists on turning the conversation back to them, that's a sure sign this relationship is not healthy for you. Instead of staying out of politeness, protect your boundaries and excuse yourself.